Monday, February 16, 2009

I'm still here....

So just so you don't think I quit entirely....I got a really cute idea for a blog entry and spent a couple of days working it up and getting the pictures ready only to find that I can't do it the way I want it. I can only load pictures at the top of my blog, and every time I try to move them my computer freezes up and my blog goes into "drafts". You wouldn't think that would be a problem but I am unable to edit my "drafts" for some reason. I've talked to Don and Max and they seem to be just as flummoxed by my problem as I am. Amy is blissfully away and unable to help me so I will just have to file my cute idea away to whatever place Stephen King puts his unrealized masterpieces until I can get out of computer hell and figure it out.

Anyhooo, Life here in Arkansas is playing out in it's normal boring fashion. Within a month, Kyle got his first pair of glasses and had his wisdom teeth out. He was actually prescribed Oxycontin, if you can believe it. I let him have a couple and confiscated the rest. Should worse come to worst in the divorce I can always sell them for rent money. Actually, if it really gets that bad, I'll probably need them for myself....

Speaking of the divorce, I came to an agreement with my soon to be ex today about the girls getting to come home for spring break and I may get to have my daughters with me for a whole week soon for the first time in almost 7 months. I feel so happy about that, I can't even begin to describe what it feels like. It's sort of like I have a huge cloud that hangs over me all the time and I worry, and stress and have really bad dreams and wake up feeling bad. After today, I think that I'll sleep ok tonight and wake up happy tomorrow. How can I tell you what that feels like? Just one day of relative peace is worth a million, that is to say, I'd pay a million for this if I had it, I hope it lasts for more than a day.

Everyone always says that divorce is hell but I never expected this. The fear, the anger, the worry and stress almost makes me wonder if it's worth it. The anger scares me the most. That's the one emotion that I can't really control. When it gets out of hand then I'm out of control. I'm probably more afraid of my own anger than anything else. That's what my ex was always best at, making me so angry that I'd not only lose control but look for any way to back out of that feeling, and of course he would be there to catch me. I knew that he caused the anger on purpose but that didn't help with the feeling, in fact it made me more angry that he WANTED me to be angry...

But, I digress, from what I don't know since I didn't really have a subject to begin with. Bear with me, I am determined not to abandon this blog and will figure out my computer problems eventually....

Soooo, here's to all of you, from someone standing on the Razors Edge ( great movie by the way) Have a lovely day



  1. I am glad to hear the girls are coming to visit, that is great!

  2. Oh do I ever know what you are going through and I know how bad it can be. My divorce was some of the worst time of my life. But hang in there because once this divorce is over, you have a new life, one you don't have to look back on, but rather one you can look forward to. Believe that life will get good.